Online FI Blogger Friends Freaking Out Your Spouse?


#1

Curious if anyone else is experiencing this phenomenon when they broach meetups with a spouse.

My wife endorses the 1990s perspective that everyone connecting on the interwebs is a perv, mass-murderer, or both looking for an opportunity. I once tried to set up a hike to meet Mr. 1500 when he was nearby, which my wife regarded as if I were picking up the hitchhiker from “There’s Something About Mary.”

I’m looking forward to the day I suggest attending FinCon, which she will no doubt suspect of being a swinger convention for online prowlers.

Then again, maybe we’re just forty in a world of twenty- and thirty-somethings.

Your experience?


#2

We’re 50-somethings in a world of 20, 30 and 40 somethings. No problems here but we’re both involved with the blog and on the same page. Perhaps you can convince her otherwise by telling her about the many real friendships that have developed among bloggers?


#3

Mr. 1500 is only half as dangerous as that guy.

Have you guys not been to weddings of couples who met online? I’m pretty sure about half of the weddings we’ve attended in the last ten years were relationships that started online, including one that started with Tinder.

I’ve met up with bloggers in Minnesota, Wisconsin, Colorado, Utah, and tomorrow it’s Boston. Prior to these meetups, I hadn’t even spoken on the phone with these people, but I have yet to meet a Buffalo Bill.

My wife hasn’t had any objection. I don’t know why she would. She’s looking forward to coming to FincCon with me and meeting a bunch of these people I’ve talked about.

:beers:
-PoF


#4

Second this! I met @PoF and lived to see another day!

Everyone I met has been awesome - maybe setup a few Skype calls first and put a face to the profiles to put your wife at ease?


#5

I’m going to be there with @PoF in Boston tomorrow - I’ll let you know if there are any mass-murderer hitchhikers in the group. If we both report back on this thread or you see us around on Twitter you’ll know it all ended up OK.

I’ve met @MamaFishSaves in person before & we both lived to tell the tale.

Meeting people in real life that you’ve only met online before is No Big Deal. Behind the keyboard and the avatars, we’re all just real, ordinary people writing about something we’re passionate about. I mean, use common sense-don’t meet up with someone alone in a dark ally or something. And you need to watch out for people that might be trying to just get money out of you, but that’s another common sense thing.


#6

Met my husband on Craigslist. (story is not as sketchy as that sounds but still…) Totally agree that many couples these days meet online.


#7

That’s hilarious, maybe invite her to come with you?


#8

Lol, this made my day @crispydoc!

My lady wife regularly mocked my having imaginary friends on the internet, and the time suck that can so often be blogging. Any suggestion of meeting up with a fellow blogger in person would be about as popular as suggesting that we going travelling with some of my relatives (picture the Beverly Hillbillies sharing a caravan with the Kardashians!).

Then the blog sold for slightly more than the cost of a happy meal, and somewhat surprisingly she is now keen for me to start another one and see if I can do it again… though I suspect the idea of meeting up with those “people from the internet” would be no more appealing now that it had been previously!


#9

We hung out with Mr. 1500 and that “Mustache” guy for two weeks :wink: And one of my readers who just started a blog @DownsizeYour2080 met us for dinner when we were in Colorado! You can tell her we’re legit folks and if she likes to drink beer - she’ll fit right in with most of us!


#10

Oh man , then don’t let her be part of the hiking and climbing world. I have met up with countless people that I have made online friendships with on platforms like instagram and facebook. Heck I’m great friends with many of them now and we do things together all the time.
I will reach out to anyone online and meet up with them, we grow by expanding our experiences.


#11

While I’m grateful for the support (and pleasantly surprised that folks could vouch for even the likes of Mr. 1500 and @PoF…although come to think of it, @ChiefMomOfficer has yet to post after her allegedly safe meetup with @PoF today), I’ll ask you please go easy and reserve judgment on my wife. Let me assure you all she’s slumming it far more to stick with me than I am to be with her (a character flaw for which I am perpetually grateful).

We know many couples who met online, but our experiences with online dating were widely divergent. The women I met ran to the sweet and cute end of the spectrum. I suspect her distrust is based all her dates being shorter, older, and more married than their online profiles stated.

@Mrs.Groovy, I like your suggestion to change her mind by involving her in the blog. Impressive change-the-institution-from-within sophistication!

@ApathyEnds, a Skype pre-game sounds like a great suggestion before a meetup to disarm her.

@MrsRetiretoRoots, sounds like your craiglist love story (romance plus frugality?) is just waiting to be either its own thread or a hot 'n heavy novel with your husband in frilly bare-chested shirt glory on the cover.

@Ms99to1percent, I like your style. I’m tempted to invite her to join me a future Fincon if we can bamboozle the grandparents into sitting for us.

@Slow_Dad, thanks for understanding where I’m coming from. I think our wives should go bowling so yours can persuade mine of the wisdom of imaginary friendships (after all, they served us so well in grade school). Maybe if I can buy my wife fries with proceeds somewhere down the line she’ll be more open to eccentric invisible friendships.

@Vicki, as official royalty of FI, I’m honored to have you weigh in (and thrilled to hear you enjoyed an All Star FI reunion). Of course, what I relish most is the societal freakiness of the folks who haunt these corners, so let’s not go too legit all at once :wink:. I’ll join you for that beer, and persuade my wife to sit with us sipping her affordable South American malbec.

@Stasher, sometimes the world works in mysterious ways, like when a dirtbag at heart (me) marries a slightly higher low-maintenance super cool chick. I think hiking is a pretty normal path to male friendships, and I could understand how a woman might feel less comfortable going to a place even slightly off the grid with a new acquaintance, but I completely agree that too much risk aversion leads you to lose out on some of life’s great connections.

Appreciate the feedback and suggestions, and relieved that I’m not the first to deal with this situation.

With gratitude,

CD


#12

Just got done with the meetup, and I’m happy to say that @PoF @laurie @actuaryonFIRE and @Enron were not mass murdering hitchhikers. In fact they are all awesome people.


#13

I think your wife just wants to be careful in a world of crazy unknowns on the internet. I can somehow relate to her because I’m still too scared to buy or sell stuff on Craigslist (although I should).

My husband doesn’t really believe in meeting and getting to know people online either. He’s 35, but I don’t know if age has anything to do with it. He’s even hesitant to go to Meetup groups >_<


#14

Relieved to hear it! I’ll stop checking the dumpsters near Copley Square for bagged body parts with occult Minnesotan microbrewery paraphernalia.:wink:


#15

That could be interpreted a number of ways… you’ll stop because you don’t think there will be any, or because you won’t recognise the victim? And would the answer change if @PoF had bought you a beer? :wink:


#16

Point well taken. @PoF is an anesthesiologist, so I’d expect something odorless and tasteless spiking the beer he’d pick up at the bar and bring to me…:open_mouth:


#17

Agreed. Mr. ThreeYear was a little nervous about the meetup, but not only was it awesome to put real people faces with online avatars, we had a great time talking nerdy financial blogger shop!!!


#18

Experienced this in 2006-2008 with the RE.net crowd. We hosted a bunch of barcamps; went to conferences in far-flung places; and, even formed a small mastermind group that met f2f once per year.

At first, my wife was apprehensive. Then, she realized how helpful it was for me to have like-minded people in my circle – you can’t get that from friends at work or at home.

In time, she met them all and has come to like them more than my other friends. Probably because they’re all interesting and ambitious and supportive.

Today, I count some of the original RE.net peeps among my closest and dearest friends.


#19

I hope he feels better about it now! Luckily my husband is used to me doing all sorts of strange things by myself (like going to China) so this didn’t even phase him.


#20

Mr. ThreeYear is a worry-wart! He worries about everything. It helped that I came back with all my credit cards. :slight_smile: