Money jokes


#1

I’ll go first :slight_smile:

A man being mugged by two thugs was putting up a tremendous fight. The thugs finally subdued him and promptly took his wallet. Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thugs asked, “Why did you put up such a fight?" To which the man replied, “I was afraid you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!”


#2

What do Canadians call the rapper 50 Cent?

63 Cent

Thanks, I’ll be here all week!!!


#3

This is going to turn into dad joke central :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:


#4

Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint!

Yeah…lame :laughing:


#5

During a visit to our friend’s home in Canada, we were feted with a wonderful breakfast. But my six-year-old daughter was not impressed.

“Your pancakes are smaller than my mom’s,” she told him.

He replied, “That’s because of the exchange rate.”


#6

My friend has a bad habit of overdrawing her bank account. One day before we went shopping, I complained about my lack of funds and lamented, “Guess I’ll use plastic.”

Unconcerned, she whipped out her checkbook: “I’m using rubber.”


#7

Two friends meet in a bar, one of them was late. The other ask what happened. He answered:
“There was a huge crowd at the corner, someone lost a $100 bill and everybody was searching for it. I had to wait until everybody leave.”
“Why?”
“Because I was standing on it.”


#8

haha… these are great!! I love the exchange rate ones :slight_smile:

here’s my all-time favorite financial joke/lesson:

A guy was taking a smoke break with one of his non-smoking colleagues.

“How long have you been smoking for?” the colleague asks.

"Thirty years,” says the smoker.

“Thirty years!” marvels the co-worker. “That costs so much money. At a pack a day, you’re spending $1,900 a year. Had you instead invested that money at an 8% return for the last 30 years, you’d have $250,000 in the bank today. That’s enough to buy a Ferrari!”

The smoker looked puzzled.

“Do you smoke?” he asked his co-worker.

“No.”

“So where is your Ferrari?”


#9

What’s six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild? Money.


#10

Oh, if we are allowed to share this type of jokes then:

Husband and wife arguing about money:
Wife: "I brought everything into this marriage, the house, the car, the savings. What did you have before we got married?"
Husband: “Peace”.


#11

That girl don’t got enough cents to change a dollar.


#12

Touché!


#13

I told Ms.FAF @FrugalAsianFinance how much fun it would be to imagine being married to a guy like you. I mean…just…really though - a barrel of laughs.


#14

I have a really good dirty joke but it would for sure be the raunchiest one of the bunch so I’ll stay PG :wink:

Joe asked God, "How much is a penny worth in heaven?"
God replied, "$1 million."
Joe asked, "How long is a minute in heaven?"
God said, "One million years."
Joe asked for a penny.
God said, “Sure, in a minute.”


#15

Hmmm… which of us, funny guys, do you talk about?


#16

This is soo good. I have a religious one too.

A catholic priest, a calvinist priest and a rabbi found a bag of gold. They are thinking how much of it should they offer to God and how much should they keep for themselves.

The catholic priest said that they should draw a circle then throw the money into the air. What falls inside the circle will be theirs, the rest will be offered to God.

The calvinist priest said that the idea is good, but they should offer the money inside the circle to God and keep the rest.

The rabbi said that both idea is bad. They should just throw the money into the air and God will keep what he sees appropriate.


#17

Share the raunchy. Great joke btw - heard that one at a wedding


#18

AHHH Lily, I thought it was a secret between us! j/k :stuck_out_tongue:


#19

Gees, @J.Money, I’m blushing for you. You’re such a stud. :slight_smile:


#20

I’m blushing for @J.Money too haha. Lily!!! @TheFrugalGene