Great wisdom in this thread. We, too, combine everything into one pot: it’s not my money or her money, it’s all our money. When we were married, I made 2-3x as much as her. Then my income went way down for a season. Then another season I’ll once again make more. But since we always treated all of it as “ours,” it didn’t really affect who made what, or who got what. (With that said, men are wired to provide, so it’s natural he may have a hard time with it - I can understand that as a man.)
As for money, we talk about it all, as others suggested: that’s the key. If it’s for both of us, we use categories from our joint budgets. We each get a little to spend and have discretion with that (or, we’ll also sometimes sell something, or do an extra side gig for something for a hobby, etc. - again, all communicated in advance). Or maybe we split it up and say: you know, this is 33% for both of us, but really, it’s also more for me, so I’ll pay 2/3 of the cost out of my funds. We’ve split things all kinds of ways like that. (E.g.: the wife might want to get us a new chair, but she wants a way fancier one than our budget would allow for, so we compromise some and put in more than I would think from the household funds, plus some from her funds, because she cares far more about some particular things, and bam, we’re there.)
We agree, we do it, and, thankfully, when we do that we’ve never yet had any issues. It’s the stuff we don’t truly agree upon or talk about that gets us. You have to communicate, and you have to do it openly and honestly–that’s the key. And the more you do it, the better you’ll get at it, too.